I was sent to Baptist kindergarten and elementary school. My parents did not go to church when I was a little kid, but there were church services at my elementary school. I invited Jesus into my heart when I was a little kid, with my mother praying with me, at about age 7. It was just something that I wanted to do. My relationship with the Lord was not really all that deep or anything, but I can remember praying at night.

     When I was in junior high my parents started going to a Lutheran church, and they dragged me with them. I didn't want to go, but I had to. I didn't want to stop listening to my favorite bands like nine inch nails. I can remember going on weekend retreats with a youth ministry and doing door-to-door witnessing. My spiritual life must have been a pretty inconsistent thing, because sometimes I was pretty into it, ( I can remember arguing with a catholic priest over salvation by faith versus salvation by works ). On the other hand, I can remember being baptised and being asked if I "renounce the devil and all of his works and all of his ways" and I said yes, but what I thought was "Do I really? Do I even know what that means?..." Sometimes, I just felt superior to my non-christian friends, just because I was religious.

     At one point, however, I came to the conclusion that everything that I had been told about God was just what people had told me. I felt that I did not have personal experience to justify my beliefs. I think that it was during the last time I went on the weekend ministry thing that I met an agnostic, who told me that he didn't know if God existed or not. I agreed with him, I didn't know either. I wanted to figure out what was real for myself.

     In my search to find out what was real, I got into drug use. Marijuana first, then LSD and other drugs. I started reading all kinds of books, and studying all kinds of religions: Buddhism, new age, and finally the occult. The occult just seemed to make more sense than all of the other stuff that I had studied. It tied all the religions together and promised to explain the existence of the universe and give me wisdom and power. Of course, it completely appealed to my flesh and its lusts. I never joined an occult group, instead I just studied it and practiced it a little on my own.

     I graduated high school in 1996 and I moved from San Antonio to Austin to go to the University of Texas. My life just gradually got worse and worse. I did bad in college, even though I had graduated in the top 10 of about 275 students from my high scool, because I could make it through high school without trying very hard and that didn't work in college. I made bad grades in austin, and I pursused sex and drugs. I tripped on LSD over 20 times. I also did mushrooms, and even completely stupid stuff like drinking too much cough syrup.

     In my two years in austin I went from one group of friends to another until I found some people who I thought that I truly fit in with. They did drugs with me and encouraged me in pagan philosophies.

     I started having bad drug experiences. I started bad tripping about being trapped in other planes of existence, where reality was different. Eventually this led to me basically feeling like I was in hell. Why did I keep doing LSD if it brought me so much pain? I was stupid, and addicted.

     About this point in time, I can really start to remember God reaching out to me. I would go somewhere and hear a song, and it would be nothing but God talking to the exact situation that I was in. I can remember one night having a bad trip and some girl was doing drugs with us, but she was a christian. She draw a picture of a cross on my wall and wrote the word "peace" underneath it. That stuck with me.

     Stuff kept on getting worse and worse. At one point, when I was home for winter break, I had a horrible bad lsd trip, in front of my parents, where I was on trial to defend why I should have the right to exist, and I couldn't do it. My life did not benefit other people and I wanted to take from others and hurt them and use them for my own pleasure. I couldn't make the trip stop no matter what I did. I thought that I was going to die or that I was in hell already.

     Finally, my mom prayed with me and the trip stopped. That amazed me. I was like whoa.. I guess I am a christian now. I started reading the bible and praying, but I went back to Austin for the spring semester of school. It was hard for me in Austin. I was attacked for my faith when I got back to Austin. I can remember walking into a friend's dorm room and hearing music that was anti-God and I could feel hatred in the room directed at me, and it didn't seem to be coming from my friends. It freaked me out.

     My girlfriend at the time told me that she could never marry a christian, so I broke up with her. She didn't want to stop having sex, but I felt that I had to. Then, over the course of the semester, I tried to get her back. I compromised my faith trying to get her back. I told my roommate that I wasn't a christian. I was backsliding. It was awful. I started wondering if my experiences were real or the result of drugs.

     All of the time that I was in Austin that semester, the Lord was holding out his hand to me. I would do stuff like go and watch a talent show, and the juggler would give a message about Jesus. I didn't want to hear it, so I would run away. I finally came home for the summer.

     One day at home watching a movie with my parents, things came to a place of decision. God used the movie to show me that I couldn't follow Him and not follow Him at the same time. I couldn't be a christian between me and God, and at the same time tell my friends that I wasn't a christian and live a non-christian life.

     Right at this point, I knew that something was wrong. All peace completely left me. I felt the bottom of my stomach drop like into a pit. I went upstairs to my room and I turned on a cd for comfort. It didn't help, the music sounded hideously demonic. I realized that there was absolutely nowhere I could go to find any real peace. I knew that whatever I tried to look at for some meaning or worth was ultimately empty and a lie. I knew that the only way out was for me to be serious about a commitment to Jesus. I turned to the Lord and I made a commitment to follow Jesus forever.

     The Lord God of Israel was faithful to me, and He forgave me. Later, God showed me that at that moment I was like the lost son mentioned in Luke 15:11-32. In a spiritual way, the Lord ran to me and embraced me and kissed me. God put a good robe on me and a ring on my finer. The Lord God truly wanted me to let him love me. This was the summer of 1998.

     It was very hard at for me at first. I would have panic attacks all of the time, and I had to sleep with the light on in my room. I knew that I couldn't repeat what had just happened, so I transfered from UT Austin to the University of Texas at San Antonio.

     I made some christian friends on the Internet in IRC ( Internet Relay Chat, it's kinda like a huge chat-room system). The Lord truly blessed me with their fellowship, because most of the other people in my life stopped being my friend when I got serious about Christ. My parents thought that I was a fanatic.

     I saw a christian counsellor about my panic attacks that I was having, and he listened to my testimony and told me that I had already made the best decision I could make by getting serious about Jesus. He advised me to join a christian group on campus. I took his advice and joined BSM - Baptist Student Ministry.

     I got my basic discipling through them, and I got baptised by them. ( I felt like it was cool with God to get baptised again ). I was tremendously blessed because of the BSM director's wisdom and love for the Lord and for others. The mature christians in the group helped me a lot, and I truly valued their wisdom and uprightness. Their friendship and true love for me was like taking a swim in a cool lake after being way too hot in a south-Texas summer.

     I went to a really awesome conference called Passion 99. During the course of the speakers and my experiences at this event, I started to really appreciate the "glory" of God. Once you have seen the awesomeness of the Lord, nothing else compares. I wish that everyone could see how wonderful He is.

     Also, at this point in time, I had been being attacked by the enemy telling me that I had screwed up too badly to be saved because of my time of backsliding. Driving home from the conference, I felt a panic attack coming on and I told my friends with my in the van and they prayed for me, and I just confessed to God that I just wanted Him and I just wanted to be a christian, and I felt air entering my nostrils ( in a very special way, I wish I could describe it better ) and I felt strong peace. Also, God reminded me of Romains 10:9-13, which says this:

"that if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe with your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the scripture says, 'Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.'"

     God totally used this experience to let me know that I truly was saved, and that He did truly love me.

     After this I grew over time in my faith. I went on a mission trip to El Paso, and talked to people at the University of Texas at El Paso. I also helped put on a play and I shared my testimony ( what you are reading now, except that it wasn't as long, then. =) ) The trip lasted for about a week, and at the end of it I felt warmed up. I was ready to keep doing mission stuff for at least another 2 months! I was truly sad that it was over so quickly, I didn't want to do anything else. It wasn't easy, it was incredibly challenging, but it was so rewarding.

     I eventually started visiting the Vineyard Church of San Antonio, which had been recommended to me from a good friend of mine. This church is where I met Autumn. God used this church to help me get a basic understanding of spiritual gifts and also to learn about subculture ministry. Autumn told me about Rainbow and God told me to go, so I went. ( Actually, God told me to go before Autumn told me about Rainbow. God didn't tell me where to go, He just told me to go. After Autumn told me about Rainbow, it made sense. I LOVE it when the Lord speaks to us!!!! )

     The Rainbow Gathering was amazing!! I went with Autumn on greyhound bus to the Montana 2000 gathering. We met hippy kids on the bus on the way up. We talked to them and listened to them. We shared our testimonies and they told us about their life experiences. It felt good to be part of their subculture. I love to travel, I love nature, and I love interesting people.

     We arrived at Montana, and it was a very new experience for me. The rainbow gathering was a completely new experience for me. Life just seemed more basic and real there. I loved serving the hippy kids coffee and wandering through the awesome forest and hills. I met some of the most interesting people that I had ever met there. A lot of the Rainbow people are sold-out for a better life than what normal society dictates to them.

     Some of the christians I met at Rainbow Gathering were soooooooo stinking cool! These are people who really really love!! They go where God tells them to go, and they aren't afraid to tell people that Jesus is the only way to the Father.

     After the gathering, we visited the christian house in San Francisco, and I liked it. It felt kind of like home to me, but it also felt like the people there had important things to do, and I didn't want to get in their way. I had fun washing dishes and seeing the sights of San Fran with my new girlfriend, Autumn!

     Autumn and I got married about a year after that. The God of Israel has blessed me so much that I don't know what to do about it.